The X-chrome factor

Afghanistan is, as both real and stereotypical descriptions suggest, a thoroughly male-dominated society. Every aspect of public and private Afghan life is ruled by men and boys. Theirs are the dusty street corners, the businesses and the government offices. Theirs are the places of worship and theirs the rights to make monumental life decisions like marriage and divorce.

The expat scene similarly teams with Y-chromes, with a male to female ratio of about 3:1. These aren’t just normal men, either. These are super-testosteroned men! Ex-military, private security contractors … even the softer tree-hugging NGO workers seem to be pumped with an extra shot of man that makes them super adventurers, out riding their motorcycles through the city or hiking far-off mountain passes.

I have had friends suggest that this abundance of men makes for a great statistical dating advantage. There’s no doubt that it adds to the Kabul-cute factor – a bit like drinking goggles that make everyone look good, the dearth of women gives all of us a bit of a boost. But, while there are plenty of men, there don’t seem to be plenty of normal, balanced ones. The odds may be good, but the goods are odd!

Being a woman here means becoming accustomed to navigating the rules and norms of Y-chromed society. When I first arrived almost two years ago, I remember feeling a self-conscious awareness every time I was the only woman in a room of men. This being an almost daily occurrence, it has now become utterly normal and I barely acknowledge the experience.

While expat women certainly enjoy far more freedom than our female Afghan friends and colleagues, neither are we able to be females in the full Western sense. We are a third sex – neither really male nor female – we are allowed many of the liberties of men, without ever gaining either the respect or the leverage of our male expat colleagues. (It should be said here that expat men are often the biggest culprits of this subtle sexism as some take it on themselves to be particularly “culturally appropriate”.)

Taking up this quasi-male position in society, many expat women in Afghanistan seem to have lost a vision for what real feminine beauty is. (Now the following, I realise, is a generalisation. Not all women fit these categories ... not all to the extreem. But my time here makes me suspect the following trends.)

There are those who become hyper-sexual and their worth slowly becomes defined by the attention given to them by men. They move, detached, from one relationship to the next and the softness of their hearts becomes bruised and calloused. They are treated largely as bodies by men who seem just as broken and confused. Eventually this is all they expect and so it is all they receive.

At the other end of the spectrum, there are those women who embrace the hyper-modesty of Afghan culture so fully that they abandon the celebration of their bodies as beautiful and sensual things that are meant to be desirable to men. Draping themselves in swaths of dull-coloured fabric, they escape the intrusive eyes of men, but lose something of what God intended when he created the female body.

In the midst of all this mess and confusion, and the frequent temptation to fall into both extremes myself, I long to reflect a more whole kind of feminine beauty – one both defined by a soft and loving heart and by a modest, elegant celebration of the female body. I long for men and women around me to know that they are meant to long for and be longed after as whole, wonderful creations. Perhaps if we begin to embrace this, we will actually have something to offer Afghans in a vision of sexuality and gender. Before then, I'm afraid we only have another version of brokenness.

Beef Stew and Chocolate-dipped Faith

I walked into a Christian bookstore a few days ago in search of a devotional - a workbook to help me daily study God's word. I've been slacking recently and my relationship with God has suffered from the neglect. I was hoping to find something to really help me dig in and wrestle with hard questions and issues - I was craving spiritual meat.

What I found was a Christianity that seemed to have been hijacked by mass commercialism, witty one-liners and feel-good, self-help nonsense. Rather than a store full of resources for strengthening a Christian's faith, encouraging their souls and challenging them to walk more closely with God, the store resembled Oprah's book club, selling wimpy truths and pats on the back.

The women's section was by far the worst! Apparently Christian books aimed at women have discarded the belief that we are powerful, thinking, believing, praying, conquering creations of a mighty God. Instead, the faith represented on the women's bookshelf gave the impression that all we really needed were nice, happy thoughts each day accompanied by a tasty recipe. "Jesus loves you ... here's a nice recipe for beef stew." Am I the only one that feels the issues of my life and this world require more substance than that provided by a recipe book pretending to be a devotional???

Do you know there is actually a book called, Faith-dipped Chocolate for women? It "offers readers who crave chocolate delicious encouragement for their faith. Sprinkled throughout are yummy recipes, fun chocolate facts, ideas for creating chocolate gifts, and quotes celebrating God's gifts of chocolate." One reviewer actually said, "Served up with rich morsels of Scripture, Faith-Dipped Chocolate gives a little taste of heaven on earth." Now ladies, love for chocolate aside, COME ON!!! Can you really imagine Paul finishing every chapter of Romans with creative recipe ideas for manna and quail?

I grieve the fact that somehow we have corporately bought into this mundane version of faith. How is beef stew or "chocolate-dipped faith" going to help me walk with God? Is beef stew going to help me battle the sins that constantly entangle me - my pride, my fear, etc.? Is it going to help me love this world radically? Please someone, tell me where is the substance of our faith? Where is the power?

Is no one else dissatisfied by this cheap knock-off? Like the Louis Vuitton and Prada fakes sold on city street corners, have we really settled for something that may vaguely represent the real thing but will quickly fall apart the second anything heavy is put inside it?

Perhaps that is the problem. Perhaps we all have sold out and given up the desire to search for and find truth. Perhaps we have stopped believing that there is a truth to be found. Lets face it, while our generation affirms people's right to believe, we do not believe in the substance, the ultimate truth and reality of what they believe in. As a result, all we're left with are nice, happy thoughts, but little substance and no power.

I truly hope that we are not so easily satisfied. I know for myself that I crave more depth. I desire to love God with all my heart, to see Him work in and through me, to see the world changed for the better. I want to see the Church stand up against injustice and be known for being outstanding in our love and brave in the way that we face the difficulties of this world. I alone am powerless to do any of these things and will never be satisfied by a faith that thinks beef stew and chocolate are all the nourishment that I need.